Q1 Crash Out

Six months into the job, and I finally get it. Not the job itself, I am still figuring that out every single day, but the feeling of it. The pace, the pressure, the weird quiet wins that do not feel like wins at all.

No one really understands what you do unless they have been in your exact seat. You can explain it a hundred different ways, and it still will not land. It is not a normal job. It is constant, reactive, and lives in your head even when you are technically off.

You also realize pretty quickly that no one is going to pat you on the back. Not because people are mean, but because everything is moving too fast. If nothing goes wrong, that is success. That is the “good job.” It just is not said out loud.

You are going to mess up. A lot. Like an uncomfortable amount. And it kind of messes with you at first because you are used to being good at things. But this job is not about being perfect, it is about how fast you can fix it and keep going. You just learn to not make the same mistake twice. And honestly, just don't lose money, and you are already doing okay.

The pressure does not ease up. It just becomes normal. That is the part that surprised me the most. At some point, your brain stops treating it like pressure and just starts operating inside of it. You adapt, or you burn out. There really isn't an in between.

And your brain will feel like absolute mush some days. Like you have been staring at your screen for so long that you cannot even form a full thought. Those are the days you have to force yourself to do something that is not reactive. Go outside. Read something that has nothing to do with work. Talk to someone without multitasking. You have to give your brain something back.

Also, invest in earplugs. I am so serious. Maybe it is because I am around rock shows all the time, but I would like to be able to hear music when I am older. It feels dramatic until you are standing next to a speaker and realize it is not. 

There is also something no one really prepares you for, which is how nonlinear this whole thing is. Not just this job, but your first job in general. I have talked to so many of my friends, and it is the same across the board. One week, you feel like you are finally getting it, like things are clicking, like you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And then the next week, you feel completely lost again.

Every high comes with a low. Every good week is followed by one that humbles you a little. But I am starting to realize that is kind of the point. You do not get to appreciate the moments where you feel confident, capable, and in control without the ones that knock you a bit. The contrast is what makes it all feel real.

One thing I keep reminding myself is not to compare where I am to anyone else. It is so easy to feel behind in this industry because everyone seems to be doing something bigger, cooler, faster. But you are only seeing a fraction of it. Everyone is figuring it out in real time. You just focus on your lane and keep going.

Say yes more than you want to. Go to the show you are not that excited about. Stay a little longer than you planned. Talk to people even when you are tired. Some of the best moments come from the things you almost skipped.

And honestly, one of the biggest things I have learned is to just shut up and listen. You learn so much more that way. Not everything needs your input. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is pay attention and absorb.

Six months in, I am realizing this job is not about being the best or the smartest person in the room. It is about taking the hits, keeping showing up, and figuring it out as you go.

It is a lot. But it is also kind of the point.